I'll Be There For You
by lanadoesntlikebananas
Summary: Nothing affects Emily Prentiss, queen of compartmentalizing. This time, she can't put what happened to her inside a box to be stored away and never opened. JJ isn't about to let the stubborn agent confront her demons alone. JJ/Emily friendship. *Depression triggers. Future assault/rape triggers.
1. Chapter 1

_Knock knock._

Emily grabbed her gun, and then grudgingly and nervously got off her couch to get the door. Who and why would anyone be at her apartment at this time of night?

"JJ?" Emily questioned as she put her gun down on the entryway table then opened the door to see the blonde woman standing there.

"I have chocolate and merlot." JJ showed off the two items with a smile. "Care to let me in?"

Emily did, with only a little bit of hesitation.

JJ didn't know exactly what was going on, but based off her work experience, and knowing how bad something must be for it to affect the brunette like this, she had a hunch. Emily came to work the day before looking like actual death. Her skin was paler than usual, the bags under her eyes more pronounced, and she wasn't focused at all. All the BAU members noticed, but no one mentioned it because they all knew Emily would respond with an "I'm fine," and get irritated if anyone intruded further. She spent the rest of the day doing paperwork, and left without saying goodbye to anyone. This morning, Emily's demeanor hadn't changed at all. Well, if anything, she was even more stubborn about completing all her desk work without having the inconvenience of talking with her team members. Morgan attempted to strike up a casual conversation to no avail. Reid rambled on about some new book he had read until Emily asked him to let her focus. JJ knew better than to approach her at a time like this, and simply offered her a slight smile and nod before heading back to her office. Emily once again, left at the end of the day with minimal human interaction. JJ wasn't about to let her keep going like this. She knew there was very little chance of Emily opening up to her. God forbid anyone see that woman be "weak." But, if Emily was this hurt, so was JJ, and she needed the brunette to know without a doubt that she cared.

"Hey," JJ said as she walked down the hallway to Emily's living room.

Emily followed after double checking the locks and picking her gun up to take back to its easily accessible spot.

"Hi," Emily replied with a bit of questioning in her voice. "So, you just decided to show up at my door with wine and chocolate out of the blue? Jayje, could you be any more direct?" Emily laughed.

God, JJ thought, it was good to hear that again.

"Well, I knew if I called you'd tell me you wanted to be alone, so I skipped that step and just came here in the first place." Her tone changed from light to gently serious. "Look Emily, I'm not expecting you to want to talk. You don't have to open up to me. But damnit, anyone with eyes can see that you're hurting. I needed to come here to let you know that you are not alone in whatever it is you're going through, and I don't want you to think you have to handle it all by yourself. I don't want you to handle it all by yourself. I'm here for you and I care about you and I love you and I hope you know that." JJ's voice started to break as Emily's smile faded.

Emily fiercely loved JJ and would do anything to protect her. JJ knew that even though she had never said it. What JJ didn't know was that Emily had never heard those words spoken to her before and that she never had anyone make the effort to be there for her. Emily lived a lonely life. Everyone knew that. But because she was so strong and stubborn, no one knew that her entire life was filled with abandonment which caused her to genuinely feel that no one in the world could ever love her. Perhaps more due to the sudden, overwhelming emotions of having a friend there for her when she truly needed one rather than her shitty situation, Emily broke down. She cried harder when JJ wrapped her arms around her torso, holding her securely. Emily had never cried in front of anyone. Her tears continued to spill as the reality hit her that someone was there to hold her. She'd wanted that for so long.

Emily had her arms around JJ's neck and cried all of her past and current hurt into her shoulder. JJ didn't falter and held her as firmly as she could while the two stood in the middle of Emily's living room. They didn't exchange a word until Emily's breathing and heart rate relaxed back down to her heightened normal.

JJ smiled at Emily, wiped a stray tear from under her left eye, and said "Thank you for trusting me."

Emily sighed. "God I'm sorry. You must think I'm a lunatic seeing me lose it like that."

"Em you know I don't think that all. I'm honestly honored that you let me be here. I meant every word I said. Now, how about you go get changed into something a little more cozy than your business clothes, and we can relax with some wine for a little?" JJ suggested.

Emily really wanted to feel her closeness again, but not wanting to seem too eager and definitely not admitting it, she agreed by nodding and went upstairs to change into her most comfortable sweats.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily truly hated herself in that moment. She was supposed to be able to handle these things on her own. She really needed to not be by herself with her thoughts. She should've been able to defend herself. She wished someone could have defended her. She really just needed to be able to ignore her feelings and her aching body. She really needed to feel JJ's embrace again...

The inner battle with herself never ceased.

Emily proceeded down her staircase to find JJ making herself comfortable with a blanket and a half full glass of wine, inviting Emily to come join her with a pat on the couch.

"I really am sorry Jayje. The last thing I wanted to do was drag you down with me-"

"Hey. I wish you didn't feel like you need to apologize," JJ said as she scooted closer and clasped Emily's hands in her own. "You know I kind of signed up for this being your best friend and all."

Both women smirked.

"I know. Defense mechanism. Sorry. Shit, not apologizing. Sorry for- goddamnit." Emily was getting frustrated with herself and all the thoughts running through her head.

"Take a deep breath, okay? You're okay. Apologize if you want to, but know you don't have to."

After a few quiet moments and sips of wine later, JJ dove in headfirst and asked, "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

She knew with certainty Emily would deny it, seeing as how uncomfortable the brunette was with sharing personal information. Very much to her surprise, Emily answered, "Yeah, there is one thing. I want to talk about how much I value our friendship and how sorry I am if it seems like I don't because I don't know how to be a human being- like expressing affection and talking about feelings and all that. You're so emotionally tuned in and connect so well with people, and I'm sorry if it takes all your energy exerting that towards me one-sided. I'm trying. I want to. I'm so screwed up, Jayje... And now I'm so fucking broken and I'm so stuck in my head and I don't know how to get out." Emily sounded defeated.

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you're a burden to me, and I need you to stop going down that road right now. I want to be here and I want to help you get out of this terrible place you're in. But I need to understand what's going on, Emily. I think it's safe to assume you've experienced trauma in the past, which explains why you're scared of connecting getting too close with anyone and sharing too much of yourself, but that's not all that's going on is it?"

Emily couldn't stop the tears from escaping for the second time tonight, not able to hold back the shame she felt and the pain she was in. Blanket now wrapped around them, JJ pulled Emily's head to her chest, gently stroked her hair out of her tear-stained face, and lightly kissed her forehead.

"Your assumptions are probably right." Emily's voice trembled as she spoke. "I got myself into the situation. I was overpowered. I was raped." Angry tears were flowing now.

"I let my guard down for the first time in my life the other night. I finally told myself I deserved to get out there and try and meet someone about a month ago. I got online, because how else am I supposed to meet someone at this stage of my life with how busy I am? We were talking for weeks before we finally decided to meet up. Dinner was nice- he was nice. I really thought he was a good guy Jayje... He must have slipped something in my drink when I went to the restroom, because on our way back to my apartment I started to feel really strange... I told him he should just drop me off at the front door and I'd make it upstairs just fine. He refused. The doorman thought I was drunk and he was helping me walk. I was totally aware, but everything was blurry and I couldn't move at all by the time we were halfway up the stairs. He took the key right out of my hand and let himself in to rape me. It must've been going on for hours. I tried to block it out. He didn't take anything when he left. He said it was nice getting to know me, but he didn't think we'd need a second date. God JJ, I couldn't fucking do anything but lie there..."

JJ started crying tears of her own. She was going to find and personally murder this son of a bitch.

"Em... God I'm so sorry. None of it was your fault. You have to believe that."

Neither woman attempted to stop crying at that point.

"What was his name? Or, what did he say his name was? Garcia can track him down and I can make his death look like an accident-"

"Jayje, please, no. Right now I can't even think about that. I can't think about anything except his body over mine..."

JJ kissed Emily's forehead once again before wearily asking her, "What happened after he left?

"I was paralyzed, physically for a while longer, then mentally until the sun came up... I just went to work. It's all I knew how to do."

"You need to get checked out Emily. I know it's so scary but you should at least get the preventive pills, you're still in the time window, and make sure whatever he drugged you with is out of your system and-"

"Jayje I know I need to but I can't. I don't want anyone else to find out. I don't want to report it at all. I don't want a possibility of having to go through the trial process. I'm a fucking federal agent and I couldn't prevent this from happening. What are they going to think?"

"That you're an incredibly brave and strong person for handling it so beautifully on your own. Except now I'm not letting you do that anymore. Please, if not for yourself do it for me. You can get the rape kit without reporting it. They'll discourage it but I'll make them back off if that's really what you want."

"I'm not reporting it. I can't go through that. I can't make this any more real."

"I'll support you in all of your decisions, Em. So you'll go for the exam?"

"Only because I know you won't let it go if I don't."

"I'm really sorry to push it. I feel so insensitive doing it. I would hold you right here all night if the preventative measures weren't a pressing matter. But I don't want you to regret not getting it done later."

"You're right. I was just scared. I- I am scared."

"And that's beyond reasonable and perfectly understandable. I'm going to be brave for you when you feel like you can't be. You're going to get through this exam to give yourself, and myself because I love you so much, the peace of mind. And then we can stay inside, warm in cozy blankets for days if you need to. Anything you need, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. But now, let's go to the hospital."


	3. Chapter 3

Electronic beeps and frustrated voices filled the air. Emily hated the hospital more than almost any other place on earth, but she knew JJ was right. She knew she needed to do this.

"Alright Ms. Prentiss, you are clear to take the pregnancy prevention medication. Your HIV test came back negative, and the rest of your blood work looks good. You should continue to take these antibiotics as a precautionary measure against other STD's until the bottle is empty. Are you firm in your decision against a more thorough examination? It's just that if you change your mind about pressing charges, the time frame to collect any-" Emily cut the nurse off sharply.

"No charges are going to be pressed, and I will not be changing my mind. I just want to forget that any of this ever happened. I'm only here for the medication, and now that I know I'm in the clear, we'll be making our way out of here."

Emily got up from the table and JJ, never leaving her side, began to leave the hospital together.

"You're not even going to try and change my mind? Really? Are you okay Jayje?" Emily asked with a faint laugh.

"Well, I mean, that exam can be incredibly helpful in prosecuting and arresting the scum of the earth... That is if you don't have the BAU at your disposal, ready to track down and end this son of a bitch. You know, when and if you ever do decide you want this pursued. If you truly don't, I won't ever mention personally killing him again. I promise."

The two women reached JJ's suburban. As Emily climbed in the passenger seat, she said, "I may ask you to call Garcia and have her find out who this guy really is and just keep tabs on him. I would like to feel less paranoid- walking around my apartment with my gun drawn all the time is excruciating. But I don't want anyone to do anything else for the time being. I just want to feel sort of normal again. Indirectly killing a man, no matter how terrible of a man, isn't going to make me feel any better. Not right now. Right now I only need to feel safe enough to shut my eyes for a few hours."

"Okay. You got it. I'll call Garcia as soon as we get settled for the night."

No more words were exchanged the remainder of the drive, but after a few moments of silence, JJ reached across the cup holder and squeezed Emily's left hand with her right, fingers intertwining. Never taking their eyes off the road, this sign of reassurance caused both women to shed a few brief tears. JJ's out of anger at the world for allowing something like this to happen to her best friend and the fierce devotion she felt towards protecting her: Emily's out of relief in knowing she, for once in her life, was not alone.

JJ parallel parked right in front of Emily's building and guided the brunette out of the car all the way to her bathroom to get ready to wind down for the evening.  
"Take a shower, brush your teeth, do whatever Emily Prentiss does before she gets ready to have a full, good nights sleep. I'm going to go back downstairs and call Garcia. Will you be okay up here?"

Emily nodded.

"Hey, will you double check that my windows are locked before you do that? Thank you so much for taking such good care of me Jayje..." Emily almost started to tear up again thinking about how many times she had been scared in her life with no one there to calm her fears. JJ wrapped her in the safest hug Emily could hope for before verifying locked windows and heading downstairs to make a very important phone call.

JJ heard Emily turn the shower on as Garcia answered her call.

"My beautiful JJ what I can do for you tonight darling?"

"Penelope, I need you find the real name of the scumbag who hurt Emily. She needs you to more or less stalk him... Really, she just needs to know he's stayed true to his word and isn't interested in coming back around here. She's on such high alert, even for her. It hurts me so badly to think about what he did to affect her like this..."

"I'll have to do a little digging into her private life, mostly just on the dating site itself. If she's okay with that I'll hit you back as soon as I have the information."

"She wants you to work your magic however you need to babe. Thanks Garcia."

"I'm on it."


End file.
